Funny Elevator Pitches

For a lot of people, Labor Day means two things: a day off and the end of summer. For sports fans, it means that baseball season is coming to a climax and football is about to start.

Of course, Labor Day was originally intended as an annual tribute to the contributions American workers have made to the strength, prosperity, and well-being of our country. The first Labor Day parade occurred September 5, 1882, in New York City. The workers’ unions chose the first Monday in September because it was halfway between Independence Day and Thanksgiving.

As a business owner, I’m all too familiar with delivering the “elevator pitch”, that quick, succinct summary that tells other people exactly what kind of work I do. As we kick off this Labor Day weekend, I thought you’d enjoy these clever elevator pitches from other professional laborers:

  • Plumber says: “We repair what your husband fixed.”
  • Tire shop worker says: “Invite us to your next blowout.”
  • Electrician says: “Let us remove your shorts.”
  • Optometrist says: “If you don’t see what you’re looking for, you’ve come to the right place.”
  • Barber says: “We need your head to run our business.”
  • Taxidermist says: “We really know our stuff.”
  • Podiatrist says: “Time wounds all heels.”
  • Pizza Chef says: “7 days without pizza makes one weak.”
  • Butcher says: “Pleased to meat you.”
  • Gynecologist says: “Dr. Jones, at your cervix.”
  • Funeral Director says: “Drive carefully. We’ll wait….”

Keep your eyes on the road this weekend,

(and Happy Labor Day from all of us at Matchmaker!)

~Bob