The end of May marks the end of the school calendar, the promise of summer, and for some, graduation. Richard Lawson wrote: “Graduation season means, among other things, commencement addresses that drunken, sleep-deprived kids will sleep through”.
That said, some graduation speeches are definitely worth listening to– like the one beloved Carnegie Mellon professor Randy Pausch (of The Last Lecture: Really Achieving Your Childhood Dreams fame), gave to the Class of 2008 just three months before he passed away from liver cancer.
Other commencement speeches, however, last far too long and only offer the same warmed-over clichés, like “dream big” and “work hard.” In fact, American cartoonist and Doonesbury comic strip creator Garry Trudeau said: “Commencement speeches were invented largely in the belief that outgoing college students should never be released into the world until they have been properly sedated.”
The class of 1992 at Crossroads School in Santa Monica got real lucky, and enjoyed the shortest graduation speech on record. It was given by Richard Moore, then president of Santa Monica College to the graduating high school seniors outdoors under a sweltering hot sun, after innumerable speeches had already been made. When Moore rose to speak, he paused, looked out over the audience with great presence and said, “Feelings.”
He paused again for dramatic effect and then continued with “Adventures”. After another considerable pause, he concluded with “Ideas”. Then, Moore sat down. The students responded with a standing ovation.
A little internet research revealed that this year, the tradition of off-beat, unusual, sometimes funny, sometimes poignant, but rarely short, graduation speeches lived on. You can enjoy these excerpts without having to endure another interminable rendition of Pomp and Circumstance as students in caps and gowns file across the stage:
David Brooks, Author and New York Times Journalist, to Sewanee: The University of the South, Class of 2013: “The daily activity that contributes most to happiness is having dinner with friends. The daily activity that detracts most from happiness is commuting. Eat more. Commute less.”
Dick Costolo, CEO of Twitter, to the University of Michigan, Ann Arbor Class of 2013: “When I was your age, we did not have the internet in our pants.”
Eric Idle, British Comedian and Monty Python Actor, to the Whitman College Class of 2013, from which his daughter graduated (The entire 15-minute speech is worth watching, but here are some highlights): “I hope I can say something that you can take away with you as you commence your life- or, as the rest of us know, go downhill from here. This is not so much a commencement as the end of the good bit. After college it’s a bit like being cast out of paradise. From now on, it’s all debts and taxes and death and jobs, marriages and divorces and money problems. It’s a mess out there….”
“Life has a very simple plot: First you’re here and then you’re not….So, remember, life is very short. And life can be very pleasant, so do enjoy it….Don’t waste it on bad relationships, on bad marriages, on bad jobs, on bad people. Waste it wisely on what you want to do. But if you’re still playing beer pong five years from now you may be on the wrong track.”
Stay on the right track this weekend,
~Bob
