The Ultimate Betrayal

National columnist for CBS Sports, Gregg Doyel, says that the Alabama-Auburn rivalry tops all of the other great sports rivalries, and I agree. He writes:

“Lose to Alabama, and its sucks for an Auburn fan for 365 days. The next-door neighbors have a Crimson Tide flag on their porch. The family down the street has a dog named Bear. And forget about the grocery store. Alabama fans are everywhere, and they’re gloating because their school won the biggest game of the year, a game so big that folks in that state would pause if given this either/or choice: winning a national championship — or winning the Iron Bowl.”

Indeed, there are Facebook pages devoted to Alabama-Auburn jokes and web articles that explain the history of this intense 365-day-a-year rivalry.

The newest employee in my office wore an Alabama sweatshirt to work on several chilly days. I was pleased. I knew I had made a good hire, and it was confirmed with her choice of apparel. “Roll Tide!”

So imagine, my utter disbelief, my feelings of complete and total betrayal, when the day after the Alabama-Auburn Iron Bowl, where Auburn managed to pull off a shocking upset on the game’s final play (34-28), this Matchmaker newbie walks into the office wearing an Auburn sweatshirt. Say what????

Forget PC, forget HR. I did what any crimson red through and through Alabama fan would do. I took one look at her and said: “You’re fired!”

I was joking, of course, but my boss, Bob, understood the gravity of the situation. I instant messaged him to say: “Can you believe that our newest employee just walked in wearing an Auburn shirt? I think I’m going to have to fire her.” Bob immediately replied: “Do what you gotta do.”

We love our new employee (you’ll be meeting her soon, if she doesn’t wear another piece of Auburn clothing in my presence…), but I’ve got to show her who’s boss! So, this morning, I’m sharing one my favorite Alabama-Auburn jokes:

A football fan walks into a small shop in Birmingham. He spots a bottle labeled “Alabama Football Player Brains” , $5 an ounce. He asks the clerk if there are any other bottles. The clerk replies, “Well, we’ve got Tennessee brains for $10 an ounce, and Auburn football brains for $1 million dollars an ounce.” The man says, “Why the big difference in price?” The clerk answers,”Do you know how many Auburn football players we have to kill to get an ounce of brains??”