Ask me to name my greatest skills, and “clearance shopping” will be high on the list. My husband may be a better shot during deer season, but when it comes to bargain hunting, I win, hands down. If you need proof, check out some of my trophies:
- Expensive laundry detergent for just 94-cents a bottle.
- A few dozen rolls of Charmin Ultra Soft toilet tissue at half-price.
- A $75 hockey jersey I scored at Ross for my youngest child, marked all the way down to $3.99.
Who cares if no one in Alabama knows what hockey is? That’s not the point. It’s the thrill of the chase I’m after. Nothing beats finding luncheon meat on sale at 40% off. Even if I’ve had a terrible day, I can at least console myself with the fact that I achieved victory over Oscar Meyer.
Dale doesn’t understand my logic. He tells people that I’d buy an elevator at a clearance sale if it was marked “down.” “We don’t need all of that stuff”, he complains. But last time I checked, we use toilet paper and laundry detergent every single day.
In the late 90’s, I found a 27″ color TV at Target that was a steal. Yes, it’s true, our other television was working just fine, but you never know when you’ll need a replacement. Months later, I came home with a carload of spoils from another massive clearance sale when Dale, who was watching a game on TV, started in with his usual complaints:
“Why did you go and buy all of that stuff? We don’t need that many paper towels or bars of soap!”
I fought back: “Since when have you ever seen me buy something we don’t use? We use every single thing I bring into this house!”
“Oh, yeah?” he replied, “We sure don’t seem to be using that television that’s been sitting unopened in the bedroom since the day you bought it…”
Not one minute later, the picture tube on our television blew up. It was obviously a sign straight from God, letting me know he approved of my clearance shopping habit.
That said, even I can admit that not every clearance sale is a bargain. Remember my white jogging suit and my niece’s gold necklace? In my defense, I didn’t buy those items. They were gifts. Now that I think about it, I might be able to start a little side career: Clearance Coaching. It sounds like this lady could use my help:
At a clearance sale, the wife of a Federal District Court Judge found the perfect green tie to match one of her husband’s sport jackets. Soon after, while the couple was relaxing at a resort complex to get his mind off a complicated cocaine-conspiracy case, he noticed a small, round disc sewn into the tie.
The judge showed it to a local FBI agent, who was equally suspicious that it might be a “bug” planted by the conspiracy defendants. The agent sent the device to FBI headquarters in Washington, D.C., for analysis. Two weeks later, the judge phoned Washington to find out the results of the tests.
“We’re not sure where the disc came from,” the FBI told him, “but we discovered that when you press it, it plays Jingle Bells.”
Happy Monday,
Mary
