Explaining “The Birds and The Bees”

For my kids, this past Friday marked the last day of school, and they couldn’t be happier! My oldest son, Denver, is content to have his class ring on his hand and his new status of “Rising Junior”. My youngest, Timothy, is over the moon after an awards ceremony where he raked in the honors including: A/B Honor Roll for the entire year, a Social Studies award, a fitness award and an accelerated reader award.

Matchmaker Mary JungleHis teacher sent a PowerPoint presentation to all of us parents, with photos highlighting field trips, school projects, holidays, and more. Of course, there were several photos devoted to their study of animal habitats. Remember that chipmunk costume I had to make?

Although the kids learned about raccoons and tigers and sharks and penguins and monkeys, fortunately, Timothy has yet to show an interest in the birds and the bees-he still thinks girls are gross.

We don’t really have an official policy for how to handle those types of talks. Seeing as how we have boys, I leave “The Big Talk” to my husband, Dale. Of course, if the kids ask us questions directly, we do our best to answer. Speaking of answering awkward questions, it’s worth your while to take a ten minute break and watch this hilarious video of how one mother answered her child’s question about where babies come from.

As for Timothy, he already knows there is no Santa or Easter Bunny, talks that didn’t go over very well. Knowing his colorful personality, when the time comes, I can only imagine that “The Big Talk” will sound something like this:

It was a hot, sunny afternoon, and Mom was out shopping, so Dad decided it was a good time for a father and son chat about “the birds and the bees” while he and his 10-year-old boy lounged by the pool. Dad introduced the topic:

“Son, we need to have a talk about the birds and the bees…”
“I don’t want to know!” the child cried, diving into the pool so he wouldn’t have to hear.
The confused father waited until he resurfaced, noticing that his son’s face wasn’t just wet, it was streaked with tears.
“Why are you so upset?” the Dad asked.
“Oh, Dad,” the boy cried, “At age six, I got the ‘there’s no Santa’ speech.
“At age seven, I got the ‘there’s no Easter Bunny’ speech.
“Then, at age 8, you hit me with the ‘there’s no tooth fairy’ speech!
“If you’re going to tell me now that grown-ups don’t really have sex, I’ve got NOTHING left to live for!”

Have a Terrific Memorial Day Tuesday,