Matchmaker Logistics is adding a new member to our team, and I’m involved in the hiring process. This means that in addition to my regular duties, I am now spending a considerable amount of time listening to job applicants as they respond to questions like: “Tell my about your yourself.”; “Where do you see yourself in five years?”; and “Why do you think you are the best candidate for this job?”
It’s been more than fifteen years since I was last on the job market, and let me tell you, times have changed. Between online recruiting, Skype interviews, and business casual interview attire, my jaw has dropped to the floor on more than one occasion. (Note: Yes, you should dress for the job you want, but that doesn’t mean that a Batman costume is appropriate!)
Now, if you’re reading this email, it’s probably safe to assume that you are also gainfully employed, and not on the job market. You probably don’t need this advice, but you might want to pass it along to a friend, a child, a niece, a nephew, or a soon-to-be recent college graduate. Here’s what NOT to say during a job interview:
Interviewer: How would you describe yourself?
Job Applicant: Usually with words, but I’ve also been working on an interpretive dance, if you’d prefer.
Interviewer: No, words would be fine. Please choose just one word to describe yourself.
Job Applicant: Fergalicious
Interviewer: Have you ever been convicted of a crime?
Job Applicant: Yes. In college my friends and I stole a pig, but it was a really small pig.
Interviewer: Why did you leave your last job?
Job Applicant: The company relocated and didn’t tell me where.
Interviewer: Are you available to work occasional overtime?
Job Applicant: Yes, but not on Fridays, Saturdays, or Sundays because that’s my ‘drinkin’ time.’
Interviewer: Choose one word to describe your greatest professional strength.
Job Applicant: I’m very good at following instructions.
Interviewer: What other strengths do you have?
Job Applicant: I’m an optimist and a positive thinker.
Interviewer: Can you give me an example?
Job Applicant: Yes, when do I start?
Needless to say, the answer is “Never”! At least the interview wasn’t a complete waste of time–I’ll be laughing for days. Meanwhile, if you know of someone who is a little more qualified, please encourage them to apply.
Happy Monday,
Mary
