Archive for the Just Another Mary Monday Category

Name That Tune

Last week, I told you about our annual Family Spring Cleaning weekend, but I didn’t tell the whole story. Remember that song “What a Difference a Day Makes…Twenty-Four Little Hours?” Last weekend, it took just eight hours to create a massive transformation around the house. We started at 9am and by 6pm, we had washed the entire house from top to bottom, cleaned out the garage, installed a light over our pool table, changed six exterior flood lights (using an 11′-foot pole extender and a borrowed 30′-foot extension ladder), installed a new bathroom light

Read more

Confessions of a Clean Freak

Thursday marked the first day of Spring, and as someone who likes to have a clean house, that meant this weekend was devoted to spring cleaning. Spring cleaning at our house is a family affair; everyone has to participate. And this year, some of our major initiatives included washing every surface inside the house, cleaning out the garage, changing all of the flood lights, repainting the porch ceiling, and fixing the porch lights too! When it comes to being a “clean freak”, it’s nice to know that I’m in good company. Reese Witherspoon, Scarlett

Read more

Tarheel Born, Tarheel Bred

What do I love best about the arrival of Spring? The warmer weather? The blooming flowers? Truth be told, it’s March Madness that puts that extra little spring in my step. There’s nothing like watching all of the college basketball teams play against one another to determine who is #1. Naturally, this Carolina girl will be rooting for her beloved North Carolina Tar Heels. I’m such a fan, I even have the Tar Heel tattoo (on my foot) to prove it. When you’re born and raised in North Carolina, you’re literally taught to be

Read more

Fat Bottomed Girls

Our team has been working on a new marketing campaign that’s big on personality. I can’t wait until the grand reveal. Until then, I’m not at liberty to disclose details, but I will give you a hint: In last week’s marketing meeting the word “butt” came up at least 50 times. As someone with an ample amount of junk in my trunk, I consider myself a bit of an authority on the subject. Sometimes I joke that I maintain a healthy-sized backside so more people can kiss it. Call it what you will —

Read more

Me and a Nun on the 8-Ball Run

Imagine this: It’s pool league night. My turn at the table. All of the balls are racked in their classic triangle pattern. I tap the cue in the direction of my first solid ball and send it straight into the pocket. I continue to pocket each ball, on my way to a break and run. Any league player who pockets at least one ball on the break, and then proceeds to pocket all of the remaining balls without the opponent getting a turn at the table receives a special “Break and Run” badge. “I

Read more

Hatin’ on Happy Sticks

I hate the happy sticks.  “What are happy sticks?”, you ask.  They are the system my youngest son’s teacher has to control her students’ behavior.  Each student receives three happy sticks at the beginning of the day.  A student who behaves all day keeps all three sticks and earns a “green” score at the end of the day.  Each time a student misbehaves, a stick is taken away.  Two sticks at the end of the day means “yellow”, one stick means “red.”  And no sticks?  Well, that means a visit to the Principal’s office.

Read more

My Very Expensive Buns

Why do hamburgers fly South for the Winter? So they won’t freeze their buns off!!! Years ago, that joke used to be funny; now it’s simply untrue. When I moved to Alabama six years ago, all of the locals told me: “It never snows here.” Apparently, Mother Nature was waiting for my arrival. It has snowed at least twice a year since I moved to Alabama–from a light dusting to the Polar Vortex Snow-pocalypse. Whenever a storm is on its way, panic sets in at the local grocery stores. As one person quipped on

Read more

My Own Olympic Dreams

Football season may be over, but thankfully the Olympic Games are here! As a fan of all sports (my husband says I missed my calling; I should have been a sports broadcaster), the Olympics is near and dear to my heart. My eyes well with pride every time the United States delegates enter the Olympic stadium during the Opening Ceremonies. When Dorothy Hamill won the gold medal for figure skating in 1976, I was one of the millions of young girls who sported her signature bob. I swear that hairstyle was more popular than

Read more

Local Boy Makes Good

Since my beloved Steelers didn’t play in yesterday’s Super Bowl, I rooted for players instead of teams. Both the Seattle Seahawks and the Denver Broncos had players with ties to my roots in North Carolina. Russell Wilson (#3) played both football and baseball for NC State from 2007-2011 before transferring to Wisconsin University for the 2011 season and the signing with the Seahawks in 2012. But Nate Irving, linebacker for the Denver Broncos (#56) is native of Wallace-Rose Hill. As we Carolinians would say, Wallace-Rose Hill is just a “hop, skip, and a jump

Read more

This Installment Brought to You By Mary’s Husband

Hi y’all. Dale here. Mary’s husband. After weeks of being teased by my wife in her weekly column, I thought it was time to speak out. Do I mind Mary’s jokes about my gift-buying skills, my cooking, my nursing and my housecleaning? Not one bit. It take a lot more than that to ruffle my feathers. My Mary Frances is a fine woman and a true Mother Hen. She takes people under her wing, she cares for everybody, she gives generously to others, and, yes, she rules the roost. Don’t you dare get water

Read more